Going back to the days of Ross Perot, I don’t remember being very excited about a candidate I voted for, other than the local elections once I became an adult and personally knew some of the candidates. It generally seems to me that somewhere in the course of a politician’s career, the higher you go, eventually you will find disappointment and dishonesty, even if his or her intentions are initially very good. (Was I the only one not surprised when, “Read my lips: no news taxes?” turned out to be a false promise? Oh, did a politician have an extramarital affair again? Oh, is an important bill being used as a political pawn, or did they insert some language into it that is completely irrelevant to the bill?) Local elections and small government are not exempt from disappointment and dishonesty, but I can’t think of a District Court judge I’ve voted for that I considered a “politician” in the same way that I do as people move higher up in the political world. Some of them did a good job and some of them didn’t, and that’s one beauty of the power of our democracy: if I had to wait years to get an Order back from a judge; if a judge made a ruling that contained findings that were not in evidence; if a judge showed up to court late and left early and sometimes dozed off on the bench during a hearing, then blamed us for not finishing on time . . . I am not going to vote for that judge to come back.

But I digress.

Never have I considered a candidate flawless, or heroic, or demonic, and never have I seen relationships challenged and harmed the way they have been since 2016.

I have written this blog in my head so many times, and sometimes even started writing it here, and always deleted it because I know where it will end. I’ve seen it play out all over social media and sometimes even in person. The only right answer is to abhor Donald Trump, and everyone who does not also abhor him. People are attacking people they have known their entire lives because of hatred for a virtual stranger who became President of the United States for a maximum of eight years. I am not going to argue opinions or facts about Donald Trump here because I have concluded over the last four-ish years that they truly don’t matter. I did not vote for him, but that isn’t enough, and if presented with something I can actually prove based on a video or transcript to be factually inaccurate, the response I usually get is only a new argument, not an admission that the first accusation was incorrect. This is dangerous. It isn’t objective. It is not the intelligence I have known in my real-life friends for years and decades.

And then there are the personal attacks. All it takes is a retweet of a news article or a sharing of an opinion and hurtful personal attacks are made. Have people in my life always felt this way about me and were just waiting for an opportunity to let me know? What is it about Donald Trump that has driven so many people to new expressions of anger and hatred?

I don’t belong to any political party and I don’t expect that I ever will. Every election season, I can muster up something resembling hope through the primary, and then I see who’s left as candidates and I’m back to picking out the best of generally undesirable-to-me options. I guess it would be a wonderful feeling to be truly excited about a candidate, and in that regard, I can understand the disappointment when Hillary lost.

I vote for people – not just the candidates, but those of us down here who need to believe they might do something for us. I vote for ideas. I vote for what has been done and what is promised to be done. My research for the upcoming election is 84 pages. I take every candidate seriously, even the unopposed ones. Just because you’re unopposed and are going to win doesn’t mean I will vote for you. And in 11 days when early voting begins, there remain some candidates I am not excited about, some candidates I am uncertain about. But my perspective in this election has been changed by a lot of bullying. A lot of attacks. Insistence that the current president has “forfeited his right to lead” and telling me therefore how I should vote, which was somewhat interesting because leaving the ballot blank was an option encouraged by this person, when I have been told by others that not voting against Donald Trump wasn’t good enough.

One of my favorite quotes has always been, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” This is likely why I tend not to unfollow people on Facebook and I also don’t hate people who post things that make me cringe. I like to know where people stand. I like to know how people think. I remember it.

So, how to end this blog? There are no minds that will change. There is division and, for me, sadness. Stress. Loss. The helper/loyalist/peacemaker (that’s me) cannot heal the rifts in so many relationships. Cannot bring clarity to either side that lacks it. I just watch, and learn, and wait. In 11 days, early voting begins, and this year, I will likely remember why the ballot booth is private.