The enneagram (https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions) is a fascinating insight into yourself.  My top 3 enneagram types are helper, loyalist, and peacemaker.  I think all three of them factor into why it bothers me so much that for the last approximately four years, I have watched friends call other friends racists and accuse them of violence against LGBTQ folk, among other things, because they voted for Trump for President of the United States.  I am done arguing the merits of these positions.  I am done arguing about a president I did not vote for.  I have never encouraged anyone to like him, or to vote for him, or to hate him with the blind rage that has led so many people to forget various good qualities in the people they know who voted for him. There are a myriad of reasons why people make the choices they do in the voting booth, and the tough pill to swallow is that it is the right of each person to vote for whomever they chose for whatever reason they deem worthy, just as much as it is the right of each person not to vote at all. We may disagree with the choice not to vote or the selection on the ballot, but it’s not our business. That’s how it works.

People have shown that they are willing to terminate relationships that were once deep and enduring – relationships that have lasted decades and beyond – for someone who won’t even be in office as long as those relationships they just killed.  Whatever DJT actually does will fade with time or be undone by the next president. If he had actually built the wall (Have you noticed? He didn’t.), the next president could just tear it down. Not to mention the modest understanding I have of government being that we have three branches run by lots more people than just the one president, which is a fantastic way to ensure that even if he is the reincarnation of Hitler, he isn’t likely to get away with much without the cooperation of a lot of other people – those people being everyone else in government who has to agree to whatever he wants to do. I haven’t noticed a lot of agreement in government on . . . anything. Ever. In my life. No matter who was President.

I don’t understand how we’re at a point where I am not going to tell people who I vote for anymore. Not because I think I might vote for Trump and endure every bit of venom I’ve seen directed at so many people I love since 2016-ish.  Not because a friend left the table when we disagreed about my vote for governor.  But because those examples and others have shown me that there is rarely understanding anymore, and that other people mistakenly think it is their prerogative to tell other people that they voted wrong.  It’s too much of a risk to figure out whether I’m talking to someone who says, “Hey, free country, we have four political parties and half of them might win – your vote is as worthy is as mine,” or whether I’m talking to someone who might say, “Your vote tells me what a hater you are. Don’t even bother explaining.  Just unfriend me.”

How did we get here?  How have we elected a Black President and legalized gay marriage and learned to understand and become considerate of pronouns and fluid genders only to be shut-upped and ostracized because we voted for someone else?  I understand that electing Barack Obama didn’t end racism, and gay marriage is still not as secure as it needs to be, and there is a whole lot of work to be done on the gender stuff.  But there is also a whole lot of work to be done on tolerance, and seeking to understand, and remembering who people are and not exiling them from our lives over A TEMPORARY ELECTION. AN ELECTION THAT HAPPENS EVERY FOUR YEARS.  I understand the power of the presidency.  And the vice presidency.  And the senate.  And the governor.  And on and on and on.  But the power that concerns me most these days is the destructive judgment in personal relationships, leading friends and family to personally attack each other for making a different choice.  That is a divisive, cruel, door-slamming power. It is irreparably harming relationships.

Earlier this year, cops marched with BLM protesters (https://people.com/crime/police-join-protesters-marches-across-country/).  That is finding a common goal amidst a huge chasm. It was beautiful, powerful, and healing.  Calling your friends and family violent, ignorant bigots over a guy who will be out of office no later than 01/01/2025 is not.  And it very well might push those friends and family farther to the right when dialogue and a sincere attempt to understand could have brought them closer to the middle ground.

The president will never be as powerful as the love and hate we feel for each other down here in the real world.  The president is an office. He will do his time and move on. What will be left for us?

Going back to the days of Ross Perot, I don’t remember being very excited about a candidate I voted for, other than the local elections once I became an adult and personally knew some of the candidates. It generally seems to me that somewhere in the course of a politician’s career, the higher you go, eventually you will find disappointment and dishonesty, even if his or her intentions are initially very good. (Was I the only one not surprised when, “Read my lips: no news taxes?” turned out to be a false promise? Oh, did a politician have an extramarital affair again? Oh, is an important bill being used as a political pawn, or did they insert some language into it that is completely irrelevant to the bill?) Local elections and small government are not exempt from disappointment and dishonesty, but I can’t think of a District Court judge I’ve voted for that I considered a “politician” in the same way that I do as people move higher up in the political world. Some of them did a good job and some of them didn’t, and that’s one beauty of the power of our democracy: if I had to wait years to get an Order back from a judge; if a judge made a ruling that contained findings that were not in evidence; if a judge showed up to court late and left early and sometimes dozed off on the bench during a hearing, then blamed us for not finishing on time . . . I am not going to vote for that judge to come back.

But I digress.

Never have I considered a candidate flawless, or heroic, or demonic, and never have I seen relationships challenged and harmed the way they have been since 2016.

I have written this blog in my head so many times, and sometimes even started writing it here, and always deleted it because I know where it will end. I’ve seen it play out all over social media and sometimes even in person. The only right answer is to abhor Donald Trump, and everyone who does not also abhor him. People are attacking people they have known their entire lives because of hatred for a virtual stranger who became President of the United States for a maximum of eight years. I am not going to argue opinions or facts about Donald Trump here because I have concluded over the last four-ish years that they truly don’t matter. I did not vote for him, but that isn’t enough, and if presented with something I can actually prove based on a video or transcript to be factually inaccurate, the response I usually get is only a new argument, not an admission that the first accusation was incorrect. This is dangerous. It isn’t objective. It is not the intelligence I have known in my real-life friends for years and decades.

And then there are the personal attacks. All it takes is a retweet of a news article or a sharing of an opinion and hurtful personal attacks are made. Have people in my life always felt this way about me and were just waiting for an opportunity to let me know? What is it about Donald Trump that has driven so many people to new expressions of anger and hatred?

I don’t belong to any political party and I don’t expect that I ever will. Every election season, I can muster up something resembling hope through the primary, and then I see who’s left as candidates and I’m back to picking out the best of generally undesirable-to-me options. I guess it would be a wonderful feeling to be truly excited about a candidate, and in that regard, I can understand the disappointment when Hillary lost.

I vote for people – not just the candidates, but those of us down here who need to believe they might do something for us. I vote for ideas. I vote for what has been done and what is promised to be done. My research for the upcoming election is 84 pages. I take every candidate seriously, even the unopposed ones. Just because you’re unopposed and are going to win doesn’t mean I will vote for you. And in 11 days when early voting begins, there remain some candidates I am not excited about, some candidates I am uncertain about. But my perspective in this election has been changed by a lot of bullying. A lot of attacks. Insistence that the current president has “forfeited his right to lead” and telling me therefore how I should vote, which was somewhat interesting because leaving the ballot blank was an option encouraged by this person, when I have been told by others that not voting against Donald Trump wasn’t good enough.

One of my favorite quotes has always been, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” This is likely why I tend not to unfollow people on Facebook and I also don’t hate people who post things that make me cringe. I like to know where people stand. I like to know how people think. I remember it.

So, how to end this blog? There are no minds that will change. There is division and, for me, sadness. Stress. Loss. The helper/loyalist/peacemaker (that’s me) cannot heal the rifts in so many relationships. Cannot bring clarity to either side that lacks it. I just watch, and learn, and wait. In 11 days, early voting begins, and this year, I will likely remember why the ballot booth is private.