If you read my last blog and found it to be hopeful, full of optimism about the coming year(s) in Asheville, then you have permission/are encouraged to feel sorry for me now.

My husband lost his job yesterday, just days shy of what would have been his 8^th anniversary at WWNC 570AM.  He was one of approximately 1,000 people let go in a nationwide reduction of force, something that happens when you work for a corporation.  I’ve seen it happen to clients, heard of it happening to strangers, and I’ve now seen it happen twice to my husband – both times after a successful ratings period.

In my career, I have not worked for corporations.  Other than one fairly large law firm, I’ve mostly worked places where the total number of employees was in the single digits.  My longest job was at a company where we had maybe 20 folks, but it was still a very personal place to work.  I find that to be a blessing.  It’s given me job security because of human connections and therefore human loyalty.  I’ve never had a Wizard of Oz call from afar to say, “We need to eliminate x-number of positions at this time,” putting someone who cared for me in the gut-wrenching position of having to choose between axing me versus someone else he or she cared for.  I can understand that corporations are successful because they make sound financial decisions rather than sound personal decisions.  But the corporation that let my husband go was in bankruptcy, so I’m not heralding their financial choices, nor am I looking for ways to feel better about the person behind the curtain who put something into motion that ended my husband’s employment (and that of 5 others in his studio) and is now likely going to cause us to relocate just months after I moved back to Asheville.

I’ll be grateful they let us get through Christmas.

BUT I JUST GOT HERE.

7 months into my new job, I am making new connections, reestablishing old connections, and getting into a good grove with my work and my boss.  I am feeling more confident, less uncertain.  I less often refer to myself as the new person.  I have rapport with clients, attorneys, and at least one judge I was delighted to see this morning (we used to work together).  I have routines.  I joined the Blue Ridge Roller Girls.  My husband and I hired a personal trainer (which is now on the list of luxury expenses to slash as long as we have only one income).  I finally accrued PTO at my new job.

And now it looks like Pete (oh, yes, husband has a name) and I both get to resume our job search and build these things all over again – because he loves what he does and he’s great at what he does, and he cannot do it here.  Unlike my job, where there are lawyers a-plenty who might wish to hire me in a given city, there are not talk shows a-plenty – at least, not on radio.  Sure, there are podcasts.  And if you want to hire Pete for a podcast and pay him at least five figures a year, please contact him.

We knew it was a risk for me to come to Asheville, and for Pete to stay in this industry.  That is part of why I stayed in Charlotte so long.  And while I have made it known that I cannot do this particular recent cycle of events on a frequent and regular basis, I am not quite yet ready to tell my partner, who has a talent, that he needs to stifle his dream, his passion, and his gift to…do what?  What job is there that promises not to fire someone?  There are more secure jobs, like mine, but there are no guarantees.  For now, at least, we work in an at-will state, and as far as I understand it, that means we can quit and we can be fired at will.

I also acknowledge that part of the sting at this moment is not just that Pete lost his job while doing it fantastically and that we likely must move, but that I just quit a job, I just started a job, and I JUST GOT HERE.

It broke my heart the first time I left Asheville, but returning to Charlotte introduced me to Pete and to the longest job I ever held, which gave me a lot of great relationships.  Returning to Asheville freed me from that job, which I held too long, and showed me that I can still be a tremendous paralegal – which likely is my calling – without feeling as though I am sacrificing myself.  It reminded me that there are different ways to practice law, and to be a boss.  It brought me back to the beautiful mountains, to people and places I had missed.  It gave me new perspective.

As is my nature, the first person I spoke to after Pete told me he had been fired was my boss.  It might have been premature, but I told him it is very likely we will have to relocate.  Whether it be a relationship of 11 years or 7 months, I do not like letting people down.  I have done some good here, but there is good left for me to do.  And maybe I will get to do it.  Nothing has been decided yet…except that WWNC 570AM is off the table.

I am encouraged by the support that Pete immediately received from listeners and other potential employers.  Thanks to all of you for your kind words – some of which even included me.

We’ll keep you posted.  2020 is still my – now, our – year to grow.

 

Pete and I briefly caught part of one of the NYE shows last night, and there was clip after clip of Barbara Walters saying, “This is 20/20.”  I didn’t make the connection right away.

Then I started writing this post and I thought about hindsight being 20/20, and I realized that there are probably going to be a lot of poignant and punny references to the current year.

Which I keep writing/saying as 2010, for some reason.

Even for someone who doesn’t generally relish change (me), a new year represents a chance to do things better and to reflect on what happened – and what was done – in the last year.  Among Pete’s 2019 highlights was his struggle with debilitating vertigo, which he continues to be reminded of when things just don’t feel as steady as they used to.  For both of us, me moving to Asheville was a significant event.  It was a change to our relationship that had become long-distance; it was a change of my job and to many relationships I had in Charlotte; and it was even a change to some of Pete’s Charlotte relationships in that there are people we won’t see as often in Charlotte because more of our time is now spent in Asheville.  We miss our queen city, but we love the mountains.

For me, 2020 is a good opportunity to put the agony of 2019’s change behind me.  2019 was half a year leading up to leaving a job I’d held so long and moving away from Charlotte and back to Asheville – so, half a year of anxiety, planning, worry, goodbyes – and then half a year of mourning that change and trying to embrace my new life while learning a new job, new routines, new places.  (Or sometimes, being happy to return to old places I hated leaving behind in 2005.)  I think I spent the last half of 2019 throwing spaghetti at every relationship I have to see where it sticks.  Does Charlotte remember me?  Does Asheville welcome/remember me?  What about this group family chat…what kind of response do I get there?  What about this husband I’m moving back in with…how are we getting along?  What about my sister and family I’m now 3 hours away from and now I can’t go to the nephews’ sporting events or have a random Schwesti Day?  Do I need a therapist in Asheville, or can I just see my therapist in Charlotte sometimes?  Will I love my doctors in Asheville as much as the ones I have to leave in Charlotte?  I’ve definitely been searching, and it hurts, and it reminds me far too much of insecure growing pains I thought I left behind in high school…college…my 20s…

But, it’s me.  It’s me who always shows it and knows it when I love a lot.

And today, I have a new year.  A year that isn’t touched by two cities or two jobs.  This year is Asheville.  This year, I water those roots again.  “Bloom where you are planted,” said the Bishop of Geneva, Saint Francis de Sales (1567-1622).

Watch me grow.

Happy New Year.