I think the time has finally come to be direct and tell you: I am moving back to Asheville.

Some of you already know because I have contemplated this decision with you, asked for advice, asked for support.  Some of you suspected because I hinted.  If you listened closely, my answers had changed when asked about my work situation and living apart from Pete.  Some of you may be completely surprised.  I certainly was surprised when I realized that I needed to make this change.

I previously lived in Asheville for only 5 years, where I made some wonderful friends that I still have.  Unfortunately, the cost of living in Asheville coupled with my inability at that time to earn a livable wage left me looking at maxed out credit cards, considering whether I could take on a third job, and searching for homes I could not afford, homes that would not appreciate, and/or homes I never could have maintained/repaired.  Instead, I came back to Charlotte, got a significant salary increase, and bought my first home quickly.  Having Mom & Dad nearby to show me the new-homeowner ropes was a HUGE bonus.

Those financial memories left me thinking Asheville would always be a nice place to visit, but never somewhere I would try to live again.  But I’m married now – not doing it on my own.  And I’m an established 40-something, not just getting started in my 20s.  Admittedly, I could have made some better decisions when I lived in Asheville the first time, such as not living alone in a 2BR apartment and eating out so much…but I tried to make more money, and short of working multiple jobs, it wasn’t happening for me.

I expect to earn less money in Asheville than I do presently.  I also expect not to damn near kill myself to get the job done, as I have often felt I do presently.  Frankly, I refuse to do that anymore.  I am rejecting that premise, that requirement, and that is part of my motivation towards this change.  In an earlier blog, I shared a post by a widow about how “big law” killed her husband, and I talked about how the decedent and I seemed to have some similar personality traits when it came to our work ethic.  I don’t blame my employer or our clients or opposing counsel or myself for the late hours and burdensome work load.  It seems to be par for the course in family law (and other kinds of law), and I am simply done with it.  I know my boss works late at night.  I know he works on vacation, days off, weekends, and holidays.  I know he has tried to avoid having me work when I was scheduled to be out of the office, or when I had a family emergency – and I truly appreciate that.  But sometimes, in this work, it’s just unavoidable.  And I’m tired of being unable to avoid it.  I’m tired of making plans with question marks.  I’m just…tired.  And in the last 11 years at this job, I have set standards I cannot change now just because I’ve decided I want to do less.

I have enjoyed being a big fish in a small pond.  Further, leaving something I know for what is presently completely unknown (specifically what kind of job do I want?) is very scary to me, and feels foolish.  I feel that God is guiding me into the next phase, but as always, I would appreciate more concrete assurances of my complete happiness and financial security.  I guess, “Living with your husband,” is a nice start for a plan.  Pete and I have been apart since he moved to Asheville for his job in 2012.  We tolerated it because we didn’t know how long it would last, and because I had a secure job that I enjoyed and Pete had his dream job.  I can’t justify being apart anymore when my job does not make me happy and when it sometimes interferes with the limited time Pete and I expect to have together.

I am excited to renew my friendships in Asheville and sad that I will see you guys in Charlotte less often.  I look forward to full weekends with my sister and nephews, who always ask if we’ll spend the night – now we will!  (I look forward to full weekends with Shawn, too, but I don’t think he’s ever been that invested in our sleepover plans.)  I hope to find a job where I thrive again, using my exceptional office skills and also finding some “creative” and “social” tasks as my therapist has deduced would benefit me, qualities that are lacking in my current work.

I am browsing jobs in/around Asheville, though it is too early to really do any active applying because I will be moving this summer when my lease ends.  If you hear of job openings you think may suit me, please let me know.  If you know any paralegals looking for work in/around Charlotte, I will be happy to talk to them, and I will be honest.  I am not leaving because I hate my job or because I dislike the firm.  I am leaving because a series of events in my life spawned changes within me that have rendered me incompatible with my current situation.  I have great affection for where I currently am, and I need to leave that job in good hands.  It is too important to be done by someone with one foot somewhere else.